Ports and Punchlines - Virgin Voyages Comedy Fest

Jason Black
Sep 8
14 min read

Updated: Sep 9

The Night Before Scarlet Lady – Black List Escapes Style

Every great escape deserves a prologue, and ours began the night before embarkation in Portsmouth. Instead of rushing straight to the terminal, we checked in early and let the anticipation build Champagne first, gangways later.

Where We Stayed

Our base was the Holiday Inn Express at Gunwharf Quays. Nothing flashy but perfectly placed. Complimentary still water, a simple breakfast included, and even free ice cream waiting in the lobby a sweet little surprise. No air con, but a fan and sea breeze kept things comfortable enough for one night.

Gunwharf Quays – From Cannons to Cocktails

Gunwharf Quays is more than just outlet shopping it is history turned into lifestyle. Once a Royal Navy ordnance yard, this was where cannons and ammunition were stored for warships bound for sea. Today, the cannons have been swapped for champagne corks, designer bags, and waterfront dining, all under the watchful eye of the Spinnaker Tower.

Drinks with a View

With embarkation only hours away, we raised our first glass of Moet at All Bar One, watching the harbour shimmer as ferries and yachts drifted past. From there, it was a short stroll to the historic Spice Island Inn a pub that has been a sailor’s haunt for centuries, once frequented by smugglers and storytellers. We like to think we kept the tradition alive.

Dinner Diary

Convenience won, and we sat down at Giggling Squid. Service was friendly and the wine flowed, but the food was more chain comfort than culinary adventure.

• Starters: Prawn Crackers, Duck Spring Rolls, Pork Dumplings

• Mains: Chicken Pad Thai, Chicken Paneang Curry with Sticky Rice

• One bottle of red, because holidays start early.

Solid, but a 6 out of 10 not the kind of flavours that make memories, but it ticked the box

before embarkation day.

The Nightcap That Wasn’t

We rounded the night at The Alchemist, lured in by its reputation for cocktail theatre. Sadly, this act fell flat disengaged service, ordering at the bar, and drinks that did not sparkle. If you are in Portsmouth pre cruise, this is one I would not recommend.

Bedtime at Gunwharf

Shopping done, glasses emptied, and bags repacked with those last minute just in case outfits we headed back for an early night. Tomorrow would be Scarlet Lady, RockStar life, and six nights of comedy, cocktails, and Virgin Voyages magic.

Day One – Embarkation, RockStar Welcome and Comedy at Sea

We woke early, buzzing with excitement for our 1330 boarding slot. Being among the first Sailors onboard meant precious time to explore Scarlet Lady before she filled with laughter, cocktails and cabaret.

Last Minute Indulgence

No embarkation morning is complete without one last visit to Gunwharf Quays. This time we stocked up on crockery at Denby and Le Creuset. Not exactly holiday essentials but our car was soon overflowing with bags and boxes clinking away in the boot.

RockStar Check In

By early afternoon we rolled into Portsmouth Cruise Terminal where valet parking, a RockStar Suite perk, set the tone. The car was taken away, our luggage whisked to the ship, and we glided through check in. The sleek black bands were slipped onto our wrists, unlocking everything from our suite door to cocktails at the bar and entry to Richards Rooftop.

Our RockStar Agent David

Onboard we were introduced to David, our RockStar Agent, who became our go to man for absolutely everything. He kept the in-room bar perfectly stocked, delivered an endless supply of gummy bears, collected laundry each day and returned it freshly pressed. He juggled dining reservations with ease, appeared with sea sickness tablets when the Bay of Biscay reminded us who was boss, and even sourced extra vinyl for the turntable. Effortless, attentive and always with a smile.

The Posh Suite – A Mega RockStar Moment

Suite 15315Z, our Posh Suite, was the jewel of Scarlet Lady. Designed by Tom Dixon it blends bold design with indulgent touches. Inside there is over 570 square feet of space dressed in marble and brass with mood lighting and a Hollywood vanity. Outside more than 260 square feet of terrace with loungers, a daybed, a champagne table and even a rain shower.

The bathroom feels like a private spa with a peek a boo rain shower indoors and a cheeky peek a view shower outside. Add a curated vinyl collection, a guitar, and a bottomless bar that is endlessly refreshed, and you have a suite that feels less like a cabin and more like your own boutique hotel at sea.

The extras seal the deal. Priority reservations, entry to Richards Rooftop, spa perks and the constant attention of a RockStar Agent who takes care of everything from laundry to late night cravings. For clients who want their voyage to feel truly effortless this is the suite to book.

A chilled bottle of Moet was waiting on ice. Naturally that was the first cork of many.

Our Posh Suite

First Flavours – The Dock

Instead of unpacking we went straight to The Dock House. Tapas of prawns, octopus, chicken thighs and hanger steak paired with a crisp Provence rose became the official start of our voyage. Elegant, relaxed and exactly the kind of unhurried luxury Virgin does so well.

Showtime – The Manor

The evening spotlight was on The Manor, Scarlet Ladys neon drenched nightclub turned comedy venue. Our first taste of Comedy Fest came with Jack Whitehall as compere, warming up the crowd and setting the bar sky high. Comedy at sea felt intimate and edgy, like a private festival with cocktails in hand.

Dinner at The Wake

Dinner followed at The Wake, Virgins signature steak and seafood restaurant. By now the ship was swaying through the Bay of Biscay so we kept it simple with fresh bread, a silky Merlot and a perfectly cooked fillet steak. Sometimes restraint makes the moment all the better.

A Nightcap and a Sway

We ended the night back in The Manor with the obligatory one drink and one dance. The Bay of Biscay had other plans, rocking Scarlet Lady hard enough to remind us we were very much at sea. We returned to our Posh Suite and let the Atlantic swell sing us to sleep.

Posh Suite Espresso Martinis

Day Two — Sea Day Rituals and Refined Tastes

We woke to the sound of rain pattering on the terrace door. The Bay of Biscay was still showing off her might. Rather than fight the storm, we did what every savvy Sailor would do we hid in the suite with fresh coffee and ginger shots delivered by David, our RockStar Agent. That morning delivery routine has become sacred: David quietly slides in unless we make a sound replenishes our drinks and smiles before slipping away.

Ship Life with a View

With the pools covered and the hot tubs empty, this was the perfect day to sink into Scarlet Lady’s atmosphere. We drifted between cozy nooks, from cushioned corners to quiet lounges, letting the ship’s own rhythm be the soundtrack.

Brunch Prep and Terrace Vibes

After a relaxed morning, we moseyed down to The Dock, our favourite chill spot before we dressed for the evening.

Dinner at Extra Virgin

Tonight’s meal was at Extra Virgin, where our dinner danced between comfort and elegance:

• I started with semolina fried calamari, followed by the melt in your mouth braised pork cheek.

• Chris went for beef carpaccio, then homemade pasta pappardelle al ragu with pork and beef bolognese, finished with a shower of Parmigiano Reggiano.

Our wine choice was a Southern Sicily Cabernet Sauvignon called Principi di Butera, from the Terre Siciliane region. It is a full bodied red with notes of ripe fruit and vanilla, a hint of jam and floral intrigue. It pairs beautifully with rich meat dishes and seamlessly complemented our dinner.

We wrapped it all with a double espresso and mango sorbet that felt like sorbet and style wrapped in one filling and cool even as the sea rocked on.

Evening Serenity

There was no show tonight, just a nightcap at On the Rocks. With salted air on our skin, we fell into the suite early, happy and relaxed, resting up for the next day of laughter, luxury and maybe no rain.

Day Four — Rain, Relaxation and Refined Delights

We woke to gentle rain but like a good punchline it passed quickly. Soon the decks were dry, the pool was open, and the hot tubs were steaming like little sanctuaries at sea.

Morning Ritual

Breakfast was skipped in favour of our suite sanctuary with coffee and ginger shots delivered by David, always arriving just when we stirred. Since the suite has a separate lounge area he could quietly slip in, leave us refreshed and vanish before we even noticed.

Richards Rooftop Sanctuary

By mid-morning we headed up to Richards Rooftop, the private sky lounge for RockStars. It is calm and beautifully designed with shaded daybeds, panoramic ocean views and service that feels almost invisible. Chris ordered sushi which was delivered straight to our bed, I chose a glass of Moet and we spent hours relaxing and chatting with a couple who had the same idea.

La Coruña from Afar

Scarlet Lady was docked in La Coruna and although the city looked stunning from the ship we chose to stay onboard. We are returning next week for a longer voyage, so we decided to save it.

La Coruna is often called the Glass City for its beautiful seafront houses with glazed balconies. The old town has cobbled streets, the Plaza de Maria Pita and the fortress island of San Anton. The most iconic landmark is the Tower of Hercules, a Roman lighthouse that has been guiding ships for almost two thousand years and is now a UNESCO World Heritage site.

Afternoon Chill and Terrace Vibes

We returned to the suite, played some vinyl, opened the terrace doors and let the sound of the sea fill the space. This is the kind of slow luxury that makes Scarlet Lady so special.

Dinner at Lucky Lotus

Dinner was at Lucky Lotus by Razzle Dazzle, an intimate venue that reimagines Asian flavours with a modern Virgin twist.

• I enjoyed Peking Duck Bao Buns and Crispy Walnut Prawns

• Chris ordered Szechuan Hot and Sour Noodles and Basil Chicken

We paired it with Decoy Zinfandel from Sonoma, a wine we know and love from visiting the vineyard. The evening ended with espresso and mango sorbet, the perfect finish.

Evening Laughter

The first show was Griffin and Jones, a comedy magic double act with playful tricks and plenty of crowd laughs. It was lighthearted fun but not a standout. The real surprise came later with John Robertson and The Dark Room. What looked like a gimmick turned into one of the most original comedy show we have seen. It is a live action game mixed with sharp improv and dark humour, pulling the audience into the madness. What started as parody of retro video games has grown into a cult hit and at sea it delivered unexpected brilliance.

Lights Out

There were no late night cocktails tonight. We were exhausted from laughter and food and retreated to the Posh Suite where the Atlantic swell rocked us gently to sleep.

Day Four — Bilbao, Spain

The morning dawned bright with just a whisper of drizzle, but no regrets today was all about slowing down. After dancing through the night, a mellow, almost hungover vibe ruled. Relaxing was the only theme.

Morning Ease

We took our time, no rush to breakfast. Instead, coffee and ginger shots arrived like magic from David. The separate lounge area means he can slip in without waking us, refresh our drinks and vanish before we even stir.

Bilbao from the Balcony

We docked in Bilbao but stayed aboard this week was about Scarlet Lady, not sightseeing. Still, Bilbao deserves its spotlight. This Basque gem rose from industrial grit to cultural glory with jaw dropping architecture, world class museums and lively food culture. The Guggenheim Museum shines nearby, its titanium curves mirrored in the Nervion River. In the old town streets, you find ancient lanes, pintxos bars, and beautiful plazas like Plaza Nueva. The Fine Arts Museum holds centuries of art from Goya to contemporary powerhouses. Hidden architectural wonders like Azkuna Zentroa Philippe Starck’s repurposed wine market cultural treasures and creative energy define this city. We will be back to explore it properly next time.

Tapas and Wine at The Dock

Instead we found ourselves at The Dock. A glass of Provence rose in hand, we shared tapas, stories and laughter with a couple we met earlier in the week. By late afternoon we had booked a cruise together for next December a balcony cabin with drinks package, not mega RockStar but already sounding like a perfect escape.

Dinner at Pink Agave

Dinner was at Pink Agave, a laidback modern Mexican lounge with bold flavours and soft lighting. We shared guacamole, tuna and grilled corn. Medium plates included enchiladas and carne asada strips. Both of us finished with a perfectly cooked steak too full for dessert but completely satisfied.

Y2K Party at The Manor

Post dinner we headed to The Manor for comedy, then the Y2K party kicked in think neon nostalgia, early 2000s hits and dance moves we thought we had lost. Laughter, music and the sea under the strobe lights made it a standout evening.

It was a late night but a wonderful one just the way Black List Escapes loves it.

Day Five — Le Verdon, Bordeaux and the Scarlet Night Spectacle

We woke to perfect weather, the Bay of Biscay calm and the sky a brilliant blue. Today was about easing into Virgin Voyages most iconic night, when Scarlet Lady herself turns red.

Afternoon in Bordeaux

The afternoon was spent in our favourite haunts. I stretched out in the hammock with the sun on my face, forehead turning just pink enough to match my red shirt for the evening ahead. We stayed on the ship, but Bordeaux still deserves its moment.

This UNESCO listed city is known as the Port of the Moon for the crescent shape of the Garonne River that curves through it. Bordeaux is a place of grandeur and style, from eighteenth century boulevards and Enlightenment facades to Gothic spires and the famous Place de la Bourse. Its reflecting pool, the Miroir d’Eau, is the largest in the world and mirrors the city’s graceful architecture in shimmering water. The Cite du Vin is an immersive wine museum unlike anywhere else, offering tastings and storytelling around the culture of wine. Digital art shows in repurposed submarine bunkers, treasures in the Fine Arts Museum, and vibrant markets in the old town complete the picture. Bordeaux is as much about culture and history as it is about gastronomy and vineyards, making it a city that will always tempt Sailors back.

We raised a glass to the view instead, meeting our new friends for cocktails at On the Rocks. Laughter and good conversation carried us through the afternoon, and by the end of the round we had already agreed to another sailing together in December. That one will be a balcony cabin with a drinks package rather than RockStar, but it already feels like the perfect plan.

Dinner at The Wake

Dinner tonight was at The Wake, Scarlet Lady’s signature steak and seafood house. Dark wood, sweeping staircases and moody lighting give it the feel of a Manhattan supper club rather than a restaurant at sea.

We started by ordering across the appetisers. Oysters, shrimp cocktail, wagyu carpaccio, beef tartare and smoked chowder all made their way to the table. It is the kind of menu that encourages sharing and indulgence, and we happily obliged.

For mains the choice was easy. The Wake is known for its steaks, and the fillet is a highlight. Perfectly seared, tender and rich, it arrived with sides that turned the table into a banquet. Truffle fries, roasted mushrooms, creamed spinach, mac and cheese and a potato puree that could have been a meal in its own right. By the time dessert was offered, with choices like baked Alaska and chocolate tart, we were too full to continue. A simple nightcap was all that was needed to complete the meal.

Scarlet Night — The Ship in Red

As the sun dropped behind the horizon Scarlet Lady transformed. Scarlet Night is Virgin Voyages at its boldest. Every Sailor dresses in red, from a subtle splash to head to toe scarlet. Performances appear across the ship in unexpected ways. Acrobats soared above the Roundabout, dancers filled staircases, drag artists dazzled with impromptu shows and musicians turned lounges into live stages.

The night is built around the fable of the Octopus Goddess who saves a sailor from the sea, a myth told through immersive theatre and interactive moments. It begins with a gathering in the Roundabout, a toast, and a burst of music that sets the energy for what follows. From that moment the ship becomes a living festival, each space pulsing with its own rhythm.

The Red Room transformed into the Octopus Garden, a surreal blend of music, light and performance. Karaoke broke out in hidden corners, cabaret spilled into stairwells, and every deck offered a new surprise. Sailors talk about Scarlet Night as the reason alone to book a voyage, and it is easy to see why.

On our sailing the pool deck was closed due to strong winds, so the Roundabout became the heart of the party. Under crimson lights Sailors danced shoulder to shoulder, cocktails in hand as DJs kept the beats alive and the Happenings cast wove through the crowd. The energy never dipped. Scarlet Night is not about where it happens, it is about how it feels, and it always delivers.

Scarlet After Party

We regrouped at On the Rocks for another round before drifting into The Manor where Scarlet Night merged into the Y2K party. Neon nostalgia mixed with Virgin’s signature flair and the dance floor stayed packed. At some point I bought another red hat to replace the one I lost back in July. I passed it around our group, and, as if on cue, it disappeared again.

The night finally ended in the casino with laughter and late-night dares before we made our way back to the suite. Feet aching, voices hoarse, but spirits soaring. Scarlet Night is not just a party, it is Virgin Voyages in its purest form. A reminder that this is not just travel. This is escape.

Day Six — Final Day at Sea and the Perfect Encore

Our last morning at sea unfolded like a slow dance. The Bay of Biscay rocked gently, a few rumbles of swell left from yesterday’s festivities. We luxuriated in our king size bed, coffee and ginger shots delivered just when we stirred David’s quiet touch on repeat before drifting poolside for our final hours under the sun.

A Linger at Pink Agave

Dinner became a return to Pink Agave, now official favourite after two glorious nights. We sat with our new friends and shared everything guacamole, tuna aguachile, grilled corn, enchiladas, carne asada strips, and steak. It confirmed what we already suspected: Pink Agave is brilliant for relaxed, flavour and fun dining at sea.

On the Rocks Beats

Next stop was On the Rocks, alive with music that felt like the pulse of the ship. Chill yet energetic, the perfect soundtrack for an evening soaring toward farewell.

The Groupie — Private Karaoke Lounge

No voyage is complete without a bit of karaoke bravado at The Groupie. Hidden away on board, this unique hangout offers private karaoke rooms designed in a modernist Japanese style by film A lister Roman Coppola. Each room holds your crew: choose from intimate booths for two to lively rooms that fit up to fifteen. Bookable with no extra charge, they are ideal for seeing who has the glee or the gall to belt out a tune solo or in private duet. We signed up, sang our hearts out, and laughed until we all forgot how off key we were.

Karaoke with The Happenings Cast — Social Club Style

Off the private karaoke stage, we slipped into The Social Club for a mass karaoke moment. Members of the Happenings Cast emceed as Sailors queued up to choose songs from a massive digital library. Some evenings feature a Diva host that turns the karaoke into a properly theatrical affair. Games, board tables and snacks round out the vibe it is casual, cosy and just enough chaos to feel alive.

Last Rounds in the Casino

We closed our night with one last stop at the casino a compact yet fully featured gem on Deck 6 between The Red Room and the Roundabout. With over a hundred modern slot machines and a lineup of table games blackjack, craps, roulette, poker you can play or just sip your drink while taking in the vibes. The Sea Rollers rewards program makes it all extra tempting with points, perks and surprises.

The Manor Finale

Our final act unfolded in The Manor, where a full performance had the crowd dancing until late. The stage, lights and laughter made for a fitting send off to our nights at sea.

Departure VIP Style

We returned to our suite, exhausted and full of laughter. David knocked precisely at 10 am RockStar farewell on point. Valet style luggage, no queues, personal goodbyes and that trademark VIP touch. And just like that, we pulled away by car, five hours home, but already dreaming of our next Black List Escapes voyage.

Plan Your Own Escape with Black List Escapes

We sailed as Mega RockStars in a Posh Suite, but Virgin Voyages works beautifully across every cabin. From clever Insider and Sea View cabins to Sea Terraces with red hammocks, and up to RockStar and Mega RockStar Quarters with Richard’s Rooftop and a dedicated RockStar Agent, there is a style for every Sailor. Dining at more than twenty eateries, WiFi, tips, group fitness and entertainment are all included as standard. I can package your entire journey flights, hotels, transfers and your Virgin Voyage and handle every detail so you just show up and relax.